YOUR LOVE AND YOUR PASSION

For your relationship to stand the test of time, you need to master “The Law of Common Ground” You need to find a common ground with whom ever you want to be in relationship with, unlike one law in physics which says “like pole repels and unlike pole attracts”. Like character attracts while unlike character repels.

For you to have a long lasting relationship, you must be in one(relationship) with someone that shares the same passion, hobbies and other likes with you. Not someone that will be wondering why you are so engrossed in a film you are watching or in a book you are reading. Your spouse must be able to know how you feels about what you are doing, and the only way he can; is if he is feeling the same way.

He must be able to find excitement in whatever that excites you. Many female writers today are nurturing the fear that their passion for writing would decrease when they get married as a result of marital commitments.

Dear Female Writer, you don’t necessarily have to has this kind of fear in your mind. Once you get it right from beginning. Infact, your passion for writing should be on the rise as soon as you found your soulmate. I will tell you why. Your spouse and your passion would never be in competition for your attention, when you are in a relationship with someone that admire the art of writing. He doesn’t necessarily have to be a writer. Once he has a penchant for creative writing. It’s alright.

Researches in the past have shown that you tend to think clearly and have a better sense of judgement, when your mind was free of worries and troubles. Which also means you are happy. And we all know that there are few other things that can make someone happy than been in a company of someone that loves you as much as you love them.

So, if you happen to be in a relationship with a man that cherish a creative writings, his chest would definitely be one of your writing desk.

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RELATIONSHIP MALPRACTICES

There is no justifiable reason for you to lie to your spouse. So, stop deceiving yourself.

I have seen people that will give you one thousand and one reasons why they lied.

Some people will tell you, they lied to you because they love you so much that they don’t want to lose you(as in they don’t want you to break up with them). Some will say, they lied to protect you. OK! fine, lf that is truly the reason why they use to lie. Is that not selfishness?. Now tell me; if that is not selfishness. Please define it for me(in the comment box).

Tertiary institutions use to make students write exams because they want to know how well they have learned. Some students would lie to the institution by cheating in the exam, and made the institution to believe that they are brilliant, when they are not. We all call it EXAMINATION MALPRACTICES.
Those of you that lied because you don’t want to lose your relationship, you can’t afford to start all over again. Same way a student cheats in a examination because they don’t want to fail and have to start all over again. You are engaging in what I called RELATIONSHIP MALPRACTICES.

It’s either you always say the truth or you didn’t say anything at all. Say no to RELATIONSHIP MALPRACTICES. Whatever will be yours will be yours, you can’t keep something that can not be kept.

Remember if he can’t accept you at your worst, he didn’t deserve you at your best.

THE SECRET TO LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIPS

Been in a relationship should be like taking up some kind of responsibilities without expecting any form of acknowledgement or appreciations. Though, if they come. They should serve as incentives and motivate you to do even better than it was necessarily and morally required of you.

No one has the power to know and control what is in other people’s minds. Psychologist can only guess based on sequence or series of previous actions and events.

So you need not worry too much about what other people are doing wrong. All you need is to focus on performing your responsibilities as it was mutually agreed on, or even better. The fact is, if you worry too much on what your partner are supposed to be doing for you that he/she was not doing, you wouldn’t have time to discharge your duties or perform your responsibilities to him/her as appropriate and you might not even aware that you are no different from the person you are castigating.

And the worst is, when you are aware that you are not been responsible to your spouse as you suppose to, but you chose to believe that your partner didn’t deserve a responsible “you”.

The truth is “the blame game” is not going to do your relationships any good. Your spouse should not be the reason why you are not a responsible and reliable partner.

Mahatma Gandhi once said “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.

So, if you want your spouse to be a better person, then you should start by being a better person yourself. Start behaving kindly and been responsible as you want your spouse to be.

There is no perfect systems any where in the world, that’s why sometimes no matter how hard you try, some things are definitely not going to work out. So, in the cases whereby things later went sideways(which will be very rare if you adopt the systems pointed out in this article) the other party would have no one to blame but themselves and would have no reason to keep malice on you because you are always being kind to them all through the rumbles of your relationship.

And I strongly believed, if we can adopt this philosophy in all our dealings and relationships with other people, the world would be a peaceful place for everyone.

No matter how difficult a battle is, it will be a bit easier when it is been fighted on your domain.

So, instead of letting people’s bad deeds attract bad deeds from you by worrying too much on the wrongs they are doing you. You should let your good deeds attract good deeds from them by paying more attention to the right things you should be doing for them. Which will be easier because it’s in your domain.

LOVE ENDURES, YES IT DOES. BUT NOT THE PHYSICAL TORTURE.

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True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.

-Honore de Balzac

You shouldn’t stay in an abusive relationship unless you are a therapist. I have heard many women complained to me many times, that he really loves me, he care so much, he made me feel needed. But whenever we have an argument, he just can’t control his anger, he usually easily lost his temper. My reply to them; If he really loves you as you claimed, he wouldn’t even have any temper to loose whenever you are around him.

Many women these days still stay in abusive relationships because of the above mentioned notion. The truth is some of them may have learnt in some books they read or sessions they have had with a relationship counsellor like me that; due to the imperfect nature of human beings, they should learn to love the imperfect person perfectly. But believe me, an abusive relationships is an exception. Your health is very important, if you are to enjoy any love at all.

There are certain situations in a relationship when love a lone is not enough. An abusive relationship is a perfect example of such situations. In a perfect love settings, a man should naturally feel ashamed to get angry at anyone in the presence of the woman he loves. Talkless of her(your lover) being the recipient of such aggression. You as a woman have no reasons to endanger your life, loose your self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence all in the name of love. Because if you loose all these, there is nothing left to love in you anymore.

It saddens my heart to see women been brutalised by the man they claimed to love or that claimed to love them. And made me wonder if there is any love between them in the first place. It is even a sin against humanity and every human rights law to unlawfully battered and brutalised fellow human beings Talkless of someone you are romantically involved with.

So, I will implore every women in this situation to stop been delusional and been deceived by the level of care and attention they might be getting. A man that truly loves you who not be able to stand seeing you get hurted by anyone, not even someone he has so much respect for, Talkless of now hurting you by himself.

Love and Violence cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit.

-Olode Adekunle

LEAVE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS WHEN YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.

YOU CAN’T BE PERFECT, NO ONE IS.

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I read a post on one of my friends timeline on Facebook. It reads “The craziest thing about starting a new relationship is learning how to fart(mess) silently again”. With a caption “Funny but true”. And you know what, she was right.

It’s confusing, the way people try so hard to paint perfect pictures of themselves when starting a new relationship, that they even forgot certain things are natural. No one is looking for a perfect being for a relationship. Because there is no perfect beings anywhere in the world. If he’s calling you an angel or something does not make you one. You are a human being for God’s sake. And those imperfections you are trying to conceal are what makes you who you are. So, stop hiding your identity. And you should always keep it in mind that, no matter how hard you try, you can never keep up a fake character that is not primarily yours for long. Talk less of a natural phenomenon that is applicable to everyone.

A toilet is a part of the house that you wouldn’t want to spend your whole day in. And Despite the fact that it’s a part of the house you wouldn’t want to be frequent in, you will still build your house with many of it. That’s when you can say you have build a complete house. So, Without your imperfections you are incomplete. It’s better for people to hate you for who you really are than to love you for who you are not. And It’s best to make people believe there are alot of things to endure with you than there really is. So, if they can handle you at your worst, they really deserve you at your best.

THE WORLD IS CHANGING. AND SO, SHOULD YOUR RELATIONSHIPS LIFE

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With the global development around the world and emergence of new technologies and innovations here and there. The climate and all other things that have effect on the world we are living in, are changing. And the countries of the world are coming together to compromise on certain things that will allow us to peacefully co-exist together in this world(The Paris Climate Accord). Same thing goes for relationships, that’s why there are no lay down rules for how things should work in a relationship. Everyone’s situation is totally unique to their own character, and their issues should be address as such. A lot of things affect relationships these days, especially technology like smart phones and other gadgets which are essential to day-to-day activities of human life. They probably most times be competing for attention of your spouse, and instead of telling your spouse that, you wish you were his/her gadgets because they(gadgets) are probably getting more of his/her attention than you are. You should sit down together and reach your own Paris Accords, you can’t stop each other from using smart phones but you should be able to fairly demand for your own share of attention. The more the technologies are advancing and it’s effect on the world we live in, The more the need to grow more tolerant in our relationships life should be increasing. Most relationships collapse these days because people don’t realise this trends on time.